Goooood afternoonT! Said in my madea voice. Well life has been great lately! I've been on this journey he past few years of learning to accept things as they are and trust and have FAITH that they're happening for a reason. I have always struggled but truly, I've given it up lately to the universe. When something is thrown my way, IT IS WHAT IT IS! No fighting it. Things are coming and going, things are working and some things aren't, but regardless it is what it is!

So anyway! I just read my last post about running a 5k and honestly I don't even remember writing that 😂 hahaha oops! Well I'm still doing well with my working out! For the most part atleast. So since this is my blog, I guess I can get personal, right? Well, most of my "teenage/adult" life I've been over weight. I was typically between 180-195. After having lyric I dropped to 178 which was crazy, but 5 months later I was pregnant with luve and bc I got married and stopped working, I just gained weight like crazy! 3 babies in 3 years was just crazy and so hard on my body bc I was so lazy! Going into labor with luve I was 228 and I was 229 with vita. Leaving the hospital after having vita I lost I think 5 lbs which is so embarrassing bc I swear your placenta and baby weighs more than that! At my 6 week PP appointment, i was still around 224. I was SO EMBARASSEDDDD. You can't even imagine! Well up until about a month ago I was STUCK at 218... Mostly because  nothing changed! Well I'm happy to say that today I'm at 203! Sure I'm still extra large, haha, but I'm on my way down! I've been eating completely clean and working out 3-4 days a week. I have STRUGGLED with drinking enough water but decided to change that today! I'll be happy drinking 5 water bottles a day. I'm sure I could use more but 5 is my goal and once I get there easily, I'll step it up and lift my goal. I told Saia I am NOT going to Utah anytime soon! Not until I'm atleast 15-20lbs lighter haha but I've seriously been loosing about 3-4 lbs a week or more and am so proud of myself! I love that Saia has been so encouraging as well. He knows I don't want to be skinny, I just want to be healthy and STRONG. Those are most important to me. I want to run around with my kids without being out of breath! Having children has seriously just changed my life and outlook on living! I know I need to take care of my body so I can take care of theirs! I want them to see what hard work and dedication will get you, and that being healthy is important.

So anyway, hopefully the next time you hear from me I'll be 10lbs (or more) lighter! And hopefully it's not in 3 months lol. Here's to a happier healthier ME.


New year, New Me!

Just kidding. I'm the same ol girl! I do want to make a few improvements in my life, though! The new year is like a Monday, it's the perfect time to start!

Well, luckily, I started going to the gym about 2 weeks ago. I'm determined! Whether this determination takes me down a few pounds or takes me back into my pre pregnancy skinny jeans, I'll be proud. I of course would like to loose more than 5 though! I have goals for this year to get healthier, and to run a few 5k and 10k races! I did a few when I was a teenager and though I felt like I was dying, there is always that sweet satisfaction of finishing something you didn't think you could. Hopefully I'll be ready for my first 5k in February. Late February!

Another thing I want to work on is being more organized. With couponing, sometimes I come home with so much and no time to figure out where to put it! So it gets put somewhere and becomes clutter. These past few days I've been throwing out so much and just trying my hardest to get things in order! Life runs so much more smoothly when things are all in their proper place :) with the kids getting so much from Santa and family members for Christmas, it felt SO good getting rid of so many old toys! We sent them over to grandmas so she can have things for her grand kids to play with when they visit :)

One more thing is to get closer to The Lord. With Saia working Sundays and us having one vehicle at the moment, getting to church often has just been so hard! I realize that doesn't mean I can't still feel spiritual and make sure my kids are taught the right things. We are typically good about family prayers and praying before meals, but I need to be better about reading my scriptures not only personally but as a couple together.

I'm excited for this new year and the things it will bring. Our babies are getting so big and I'm loving making all these memories with them! I'm so grateful for my little family and all we have been blessed with. Happy 2014 everyone!


Lord, help me.

I'm not even sure where to start this. Not sure that I even want to write it. Am I being dramatic and overly emotional? Is it so late that I'm delirious and will regret writing some of these things tomorrow? No. Will I make tons of grammatical errors? Yes.  But I don't care. I'm going to write this and hopefully not look back on it. Not even proof read it. I'm going to write it, click publish, and be done. Feedback is welcomed, if you choose.

Where do I start? I've had a really rough year. I'm not one to put my business out into the world, because I truly believe that you will attract that which you think. I don't like thinking about these things, however, they need to be said and be done with. Out of my life. GOODBYE.

First let me say I want to clear my name, and anything I may have ever done to offend someone. It was probably intentional at the time, and I am sorry. I haven't always acted as a good person. I've always had a good heart, but haven't always shown it. Yes, there is a specific person I am thinking about while writing this. I've truly felt such a hatred towards her for the past 3-4 years. We did our fair share of ugly things to one another, and I'm sorry. That isn't who I ever wanted to be. I don't want anyone's first middle or last impression of me to be an ugly one. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I am sorry. I'm not sure if she knows of my blog, but if she does I hope she reads this and truly feels that my apology is sincere. I've been holding onto this "grudge" for such a long time, and it honestly haunts me. No not like a ghost around the corner, but I have daily thoughts about things as well as dreams that just have me feeling so terrible. Like I said I've always had a good heart, but I'm different from the person I WAS. I'm proud of who I am today. I'm an amazing wife, a great mother and just a good person in general. This is me.

Now let me apologize, due to the fact that it IS after 2am, I am going to be ALL over the place with my thoughts, but that's just because I feel that I have a lot to say, and I'm not sure what order to say it in.

My next "thought" is on parents having an argument in front of their children. No not like a physical fight, but an argument. I grew up in a home where I was 100% sure that my dad absolutely adored my mom. I know he wasn't a "buy flowers for a lady" type, but it made her feel special, so he did it. My brother, I know, is a great husband to his wife (who I love!) due to how he was raised. Our parents raised us to show respect, be kind, loving, etc. Now, the one thing I don't ever remember hearing or seeing, was my parents fight (argue). I remember my parents separating for a week when I was maybe 6? I remember that day perfectly. My brother and I came home from school on the bus, my dad met us at the door. I remember he had on a short sleeved button up and there was a tiny piece of tissue on his face with a spot of blood. He had been shaving and cut himself. I could feel something wasn't right. He said him and my mom wanted to talk with us. They let us know they were separating and he would be going to live with my grandmother for a bit. My dad was my best friend, so I remember being so sad. It kind of came out of no where though, because like I previously said, I never heard my parents argue. Now fast forward to now. Not specifically today, but just me as a married adult. I have a serious problem with comparing myself, or my husband, or our marriage to anyone/anything else. I want and deserve the marriage my parents had, and when I don't have that, I feel so discouraged. I feel that things are crumbling. It makes me feel like our marriage isn't strong, because we argue at times. When I sit down and really think things through, I know I am being a little crazy and I realize of course people argue. Even my parents, though never in front of me. As much as I don't want my kids to ever hear us argue, I would rather that than have them grow up a confused disaster like me. I want my kids to see that it's OK to argue and eventually come to a mutual agreement or conclusion. No marriage is perfect. Not one. I don't want them to search for perfection one day. I want them to search for that person who will love them unconditionally and do absolutely anything to make them happy. I sure as hell will be raising my kids in the best way that I can. I will raise them to respect, to be honest. As they get older I'll teach them the difference between right and wrong, but let them know that they have the free agency to choose. They will know that consequences come with wrong action, but more importantly that praise comes from good choices.


I want to be a stronger person and not doubt myself so often. I want to stand up for myself more than I do. I know Ive said it before, but I NEED to stop comparing myself to others. And I mean that in all aspects whether it be my physical image, myself as a wife, myself as a mother, as a daughter, friend, member of the church, whatever. I'm a good person. A good person, with a good heart, and I sure do try my hardest on a daily basis. That's me talking from a "pretending to be confident" point of view. Let me just say, sometimes I don't get the support or appreciation I need. Marriage is fricken hard. I know it's hard for different people on different levels. No marriage is the same, but let me be the first to say I'm struggling! I'm struggling to feel like I am doing a good enough job sometimes. I am not saying saia doesn't appreciate me, because I know he does. I'm also not saying he doesn't support me, because I know he does. What im saying is that it's not always in the way that I personally am needing it. And as much as I try to get that across it sometimes doesn't work! That's when I struggle. I feel that I am constantly being compared, and it's so hard. It makes me feel like crap to be honest. I know I beat myself up way more than I should. I know a lot of the things I think are just my own thoughts which are beating me down, but I just wish there was a simple way to fix this issue. A stranger or friend telling me "you're a great mom" feels good, but it's not coming from the one I need it to come from. I want sincere love, honesty and appreciation. I want to be accepted as I am, but encouraged to be better. I want to feel WHOLE again. I have this deep dark hole in my heart sometimes and it feels miserable. A smile can truly hide so much. I know for certain that not one person out there could have predicted that I'm feeling all of this. I don't let things out often, and when I do it's almost too late. Too late to fix things or to feel better. I slide my feelings under the rug way too often, and that leaves me feeling beat down. I'm so hard on myself and I need to somehow change that.

It's almost 3am now, and I'm just a mess. Tears and boogers everywhere! I'm grateful for this blog though. I'm grateful for a place to vent and get things off my chest. I don't want to come across as someone who is ungrateful, because I'm not. I am very grateful for saia that provides for our family, and very grateful for my kids who drive me crazy but remind me what it's all about. It's about love and happiness! Having kids was the greatest decision. I'm able to contribute 3 happy loving positive kids to society, to hopefully make the world a little brighter. I truly hope my heart and head can start feeling a little better. I hope to be a better person tomorrow than I was today, and I hope to get all the wonderful things that life has to offer. I deserve them.


well well well!

Well HELLOOOOOO there. Your girl has UPGRADED! Gah-lee... FINALLY. So yes, im on my laptop, yes the one that lyric broke like a year ago. By broke, i mean cracked the screen. So it's finally fixed. I never really saw it as a necessity, or super important to get fixed. Especially because we have the iPad... but having it back is wonderful! We're in our new place, and finally have our internet and Dish set up as well. Thats what i mean by i've been UPGRADED. Halleluiah! I feel whole and human and connected to the world again. My phone service at the house SUCKS, so pinterest wasn't an option, facebook would work on occasion if i was lucky and blogging just wasn't an option at all. Im back and it feels so good :)

Well things around here are ok, nothing too new. I dont know exactly where i left off at, but were in a house of our own now, and its perfect for us. Im still in the decorating phase, and that'll probably last a whole year or so until it's where i want it! Patience is key i guess. Everything is coming along great, even though the only thing hanging on my walls right now is a picture of Jesus. What better place to start though, right? I need to get the kids pictures taken so I can get crafty and make some of those fake canvas things on wood to go behind our couch, thats something im so excited to do! Hopefully it comes out great, and not a project to add to the "nailed it" folder! ;)

The kids are doing great.. Lyric will be 3 in a little over 2 months and I still cant believe it! Luve will be 2 in January and baby Vita will be 1 in March. Lyric is currently obsessed with movies, watching learning video's on youtube, singing, dancing, being bossy, singing her ABC's, playing rough with her daddy and she LOVES being outside. She'd be a camper if she could, I swear. She just loves being outside, and if this fricken weather would cooperate (not be 100+ each day) then i'd love to be out them with them all day! But unfortunately it's just way too hot, so we go out in the morning before that sun gets too strong :) Luve is a little rascal/terror. Yes it's that serious. He is just constantly into EVERYTHING. I guess he's just the typical 1 1/2 yr old child, which Lyric never was. She was always cautious, which this little boy is definitely not! He is always falling or jumping off the couch, book shelf, his bed, pretty much anything he can be crazy with, he is. If doing something will give me a heart attack, he does it. Actually he specializes in it! Other than being crazy, he's been good lately about eating new things (he was SO picky before) and he loves "singing" along when he hears a song he loves... usually "cheer up charlie" from Willy Wonka. They're obsessed. He's still not really talking,.......... ok not talking at all. Lyric was the same, she didn't say anything till she was about 2 so im hoping he comes around sooner than later! He still has a few months i suppose :) We love this little guy. Baby Vita is just the cutest squishiest HAPPIEST baby around! I cant get enough of him. He is SO easy going. He's happy just chillin on the floor watching his older brother and sister. He thinks they are HILARIOUS. I can make the kid smile, but his deep belly laughs come from watching Lyric and Luve just play and be silly. They are both SO good with him, always (well usually) cautious and love giving him kisses. I love that they are all so close in age and will hopefully grow up watching over and protecting eachother.

Anyway - thats about all thats going on here. I'll start taking pictures more often so I can update the blog with pictures of my little heart beats. I sure do love them!

...till next time...


Blogging FAIL.

I can't believe it's been two months since I blogged! Where the hell have I been and what have I been doing? Oh you're wondering the same? Lets recap then.

So honestly I don't know what the past two months have been like... Because I can't even remember two days ago. Yes it's that serious. I CAN tell you, though, what last week was like! We were in Utah visiting Saia's side of our family. It was a blast! We were there for 7 days and it truly felt like only two. We were busy busy the whole time which was perfect for us. We got in Wednesday, Thursday was our oldest nephew Noah's graduation followed by a dance in his honor that night. The music was SOOOOO loud it was crazy. My poor children. Saia walked around with his thumbs covering Vita's ears so he wouldn't be deaf! Other than that, the food was good and company was even better. We had fun! I have no idea what happened Friday, but Saturday we had day 1 of our family reunion and it was s fun as always. We played games, had relay races, had our husbands lick whipped cream off our faces, went swimming, etc. unfortunately I got sunburned! Oh and I can't forget that we ate a ton. Or at least I did. Who can turn down delicious Tongan food & BBQ? Exactly. After all of that, a few of us couples left the kids with their grandma and grandpa (and aunts lome!) and went bowling! It was so fun until they kicked us out for no reason at all. What a bunch of jerks. Saia and I decided to go have some alone time and relax at a hotel for the night. It was a perfect night spent together. With three kids and his busy schedule, we RARELY get uninterrupted time alone, so it was such a great to be able to have that. We've decided to try and do that once a month. :) 

Anyway, Sunday we went to church with the whole family. My mother and father in law gave talks as well as my sister in law Lome who is awaiting her mission call! Everything was in Tongan, so I only understood bits and pieces, but saia later told me about the talks and I loved them all. Especially he one my mother in law gave on marriage. We headed to the temple for family pictures, then to Soana's house to eat and just hang out. My poor luve was soooo whiney. He got sick somehow and is teething as well, so he just wasn't a very happy camper. Monday we hung out with family, went to eat with a bunch of them then I headed home with Soana while saia and Noah went to hang out with Mapa Si'i. We left early Tuesday morning and are so glad to be home and back in a routine, but miss everyone so much. I always look forward to our trips out there. I love the kids being able to play with their cousins and for saia and I to make more memories.

So that was our trip! Now I have a screaming baby on the floor who hates tummy time so I've got to run!

Until next time....